3 Step Process on How to Politely Ask for Guests RSVPs + Wording Tips
The final details of your day rely heavily on your confirmed RSVPs. This post will help you better manage your guest list, and implement proper etiquette to collect late RSVPs so you can move on with the rest of your wedding planning.
It isn't unusual for your "Please reply by" date to come and go without hearing from many of your guests. Getting your potential guests to respond to your RSVP request is the #1 complaint engaged couples have when planning their wedding.
Photo Credit: Peterson Design & Photography | Stationery Design by RBW Stationery and Events, LLC
Well, I'm here to share the inevitable - there will always be a healthy number of invitees who don't RSVP by your requested date.
Want the all the wording templates? You can download it here.
Why Don't People RSVP?
Well, there are all kinds of reasons why, from childcare work schedules to guests honestly just forgetting. People tend to get so caught up in the day-to-day chaos of their own lives that sending it back slips their minds. Some will even assume you will "just know" they'll be there. Etc. Etc. Etc.
Nonetheless, once your RSVP date is past, start contacting the non-responders. There will be some emotions that come with this process, from embarrassment to just pure annoyance. Some will give you their answer immediately, while others will stall for more time. Give them a day or two, but no more.
Therefore, since you need an accurate headcount, assuming someone will or will not be there won't get the job done. (Never assume!) So, at this point, the only way to handle this is to just tackle it - call the non-RSVPers and politely ask them if they will be there. I wanted to make this process easy for you, so here in this blog, we're providing steps and scripts to get started when this arises.
Pre-Work - Check Your RSVP Card
Hopefully, you're reading this BEFORE your invitations have gone out. You want to make it easy for guests to easily say yes or no on a response card and then pop it in the mail. So first, you want to double-check to see if you made it easy for them. Ensure your RSVP card is formatted correctly before mailing it to your guests. The purpose and goal of the card is to be absolutely clear about how you're collecting RSVPs. Are they mailing in an RSVP card? If so, did you include an RSVP envelope with prepaid postage? Do you have the correct reply date? Is "March" supposed to be "May"? Is the "21st" supposed to be the "12th"? We see it happen often. Did you ask them to go onto your wedding website or request an email or text? Do you have placeholders for guests to write? If your guests are unclear on how to respond, they won't.
First Step - Ask for Help
Enlist the help of others to make some phone calls for you. Such as the following:
Your wedding planner
Your fiance’
Family members (the one who gets along with everyone!)
Someone from your wedding party (Bridesmaids, Groomsmen, Ushers)
These individuals would be the best persons who can all call on your behalf. But whoever makes the call, remember to be polite and to the point.
Second Step - Reach out to your guests.
We recommend starting with a phone call first. Then follow up with a text message, and lastly, an email. Whoever is making the call, here are three different ways to ask:
"The happy couple is looking forward to celebrating their big day with you but hasn't yet received your RSVP card. Are you going to be able to make it?" Be sure to ask about their menu selections if you are offering a choice of entree options.
"We are going through our headcounts and noticed that we haven't gotten the RSVP card back; we were wondering if you would be able to attend our wedding?
The couple sent you a wedding invitation by US mail on xx. They have yet to receive your confirmed RSVP for your attendance; we hope you received it. Will you be able to attend?
"Hi, Jackie! We are reaching out to see if you got our invitation to our wedding. Our vendors need an official guest headcount. Will you be joining us?
Hello Camila, I hope you received my invitation. I am still waiting to receive your RSVP, and I would love for you to come and celebrate. Will you be attending our wedding?
Don't say
"Hey, you didn't bother to let us know if you're coming!"
"You haven't sent the RSVP card back".
It comes across as accusatory; it's possible that they may have gotten their invitation and didn't respond, but it might have gotten lost in the mail. And even if they still need to mail it back, you want to avoid putting them on the defensive. There's also an off chance that they never received your invitation in the first place.
Third Step - Handle the "Maybes'"
This last step is essential to collecting verbal RSVPs from guests; make sure to get a definite "yes" or "no." 'Maybe' doesn't do you any good.
If they're still on the fence and won't give you a definite 'yes' or 'no,.' Here is a helpful script to handle these types of responses:
"We're going to miss you, but maybe we can get together after the wedding."
I need to submit my final guest headcount to my caterer by xx. Unfortunately, we would have to count you as not attending if we don't hear from you by then. We hope that's not the case, so we look forward to hearing from you before the deadline.
I need to get a final headcount to my vendors by xx. We have yet to receive an update if you can make it. Unfortunately, we assume you will be able to attend; we hope we can get together soon!
After all, they've had plenty of time to figure out whether they're coming by now, so if they're still giving you an "I don't know" at this point, odds are that they really don't plan to come.
Then move on to the next one on your list.
Etiquette note: If the "Please respond by" date hasn't come yet, don't contact the invitee with a reminder to send in their RSVP. However, if you are talking with them, and the subject of your wedding comes up in the conversation, you can gently remind them with a simple "Looking forward to having you there. Don't forget to send in your RSVP."
If you are currently in a situation where you need to collect RSVPs, implement these suggestions featured in this post. Wedding Planning and everything you need for it rely on your confirmed RSVPs, so it's important to put some effort into this area.
You now know how to politely collect late RSVPs. But do you know how to Assign Seating for Your Wedding Reception? Read more on this topic or join my upcoming training on how to assign seats for confirmed wedding RSVPs
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about the author
Ruby Brewer-Watkins, is a Certified Wedding Planner who specializes in wedding stationery. Her guest list planning and creative process have created efficiency within her client projects, which allowed her to effectively collaborate, design and create beautiful wedding invitations and “day of” stationery for countless couples since 2015. 
Hi, I’m Ruby, your creative wedding professional. FINALLY, you made it! You can catch a glimpse into a few things I love, specifically how I passionately create wedding invitations and details for the “day of” for couples. I hope that that my blog posts and articles contained within this beautiful space truly inspire you. I offer unfiltered advice and space to give yourself permission to be creative and explore options, and ideas that are available to you to celebrate life's greatest moments.
