Wording Etiquette Tips + Why Parent’s Names are Displayed on Invitations
As you go into the world of wedding planning, you will encounter endless conversations about etiquette. Most conversations will surround the wedding invitations and how to properly communicate to invited (or non-invited guests) with class and etiquette.
Even couples who do not normally concern themselves with tradition and proper etiquette want to know what the boundaries are, whether they are going for traditional (which hasn’t changed over the years) or more modern.
Wedding invitation wording and the design exist to connect the invitation itself to the wedding, which gives it meaning and shows respect for family and guests.
Photo Credit: Peterson Design & Photography | Stationery Design by RBW Stationery and Events, LLC
Name etiquette will always be important when working with wedding invitations. We see couples often focus on finding the perfect design for their wedding invitations and get them designed to check an item off their list. However, the wording you use deserves a great amount of attention before design, let alone the printing and mailing to your guests.
The names on the printed cards say a lot. Recognizing the people who made the wedding possible is important as a significant and sincere form of showing appreciation.
Several basic points of etiquette should be followed when writing a traditional invitation. Customary wedding invitation wording is concise and straightforward, yet speaking with a warm and dignified voice. These rules support clarity, respect for individuals, and respect for the wedding ceremony. Wedding invitations are not only keepsakes but represent important ceremonial documents.
Because wedding the structure of a wedding invitation encompasses so many thoughts and decisions, this post covers:
3 primary reasons why parent’s names are typically included in the wording
Helpful tips on names
Helpful tips on request lines
What it means when a couple’s names are listed by themselves
The information in this post comes from my own observations, research, over eight years of wedding invitation formatting, design, and printing, my hospitality experience, and numerous conversations with other stationery designers within the industry.
3 PRIMARY REASONS WHY PARENTS NAMES ARE TYPICALLY INCLUDED ON INVITATIONS
They are the hosts (paying for the wedding)
This custom has origins in history; back then, the bride’s family was typically expected to shoulder the wedding expenses thus, it was their invitation to their daughter’s wedding. Assuming the bride's parents are married, their names appear at the top of the wedding invitation.
They are Co-Hosts
More and more families are coming together to contribute equally. The groom’s parents should be included after his name if they are also paying for the wedding or if they have prominent names in society or the town you live in. You can also write both sets of parents in the upper portion of the invitation. More and more groom’s parents are putting their financial stake into the wedding, thus getting props on the invite.
Whether or not the couple is carrying the full expense of the wedding, they may feel that it is most appropriate to be the hosts of their wedding, or they may wish to invite guests “Together with Families.” When you host as a couple, the bride’s name precedes the groom’s and they use their full names with titles, or they both use full names without titles.
They are following (or not following) traditions
New practices emerge, and couples can add twists to traditional etiquette. Though tradition plays a part in many people’s weddings, it doesn’t necessarily have to be followed. It can come down to personal preference. Including the names of both sets of parents can also serve as a gracious formal option no matter who foots the bill. This may be a family tradition, or they may be starting a new one and want to include the names of their parents. Also, more and more couples are hosting their weddings and/or doing so together with their parents. Discussions with parents should obviously take place beforehand, and it is highly recommended.
Sometimes, the situation is complicated. If one or both sets of parents are divorced or remarried, it can be confusing to know how to list them on the invitation.
Words possess immense power. They're capable of shaping thoughts, influencing emotions, uplifting, inspiring, and connecting with people on a deeper level. Think of this when wording your wedding invitations. If you take the time to carefully arrange your words to reflect the tone, emotion, and level of formality you'd like to convey to guests, you'll end up with the perfect base upon which to grow your wedding plans.
HELPFUL TIPS TO CONSIDER WHEN USING PARENTS NAMES
If the bride's parents are divorced, their names appear on separate lines, with the mother's name always appearing first. The word “and” is not used to join them. If the bride’s parents are already listed in the host line, the bride does not need a last name in the invitation wording. The same goes for the groom.
The Mother of the Bride is married or widowed and uses “Mrs.” it is always with her husband’s name. When a woman uses her own name with Mrs., it always means she is divorced.
If the married mother of the bride would like her first name to appear on her daughter’s wedding invitation, she cannot use the title “Mrs.” without appearing to be divorced.
If you want to include the name of a parent who is deceased, you'll need to rearrange things a bit, as someone who has passed can't actually serve as a host.
Either use the third person, which is traditional and formal, or use the first person (Please Join Us), which is less formal, but don’t switch from one to the other (Mr. and Mrs. Montell Jones invite you to join us).
A FEW TIPS ON REQUEST LINES
A request line is a statement that follows the parent’s name or the couples name, depending on how you format the invitation. In a more traditional format, it is the second line on your invitation. You are asking the invitee to attend your wedding celebration.
It is traditional to request the “honour” of your presence at a wedding held in a place of worship and to request the pleasure of your company at a wedding held anywhere else.
The words honor and favor are traditionally used with English spellings, “honour and favour”, on wedding invitations, but both spellings are equally correct and equally formal.
What it means when a couple’s names are listed by themselves
There may be times when the couple chooses to issue the invitations themselves. This most commonly occurs when the couple is older, encore weddings (marrying for the second time), and parents are divorced, separated, or deceased.
If you issue the invitation yourselves, most guests will assume that you and your fiance are paying for the wedding when they read your invitation. You may also have your parents issue the invitations to the ceremony while you and your fiance issue the invitation to the reception.
Wedding etiquette can be challenging to navigate. This post should help you decide which direction you want to go in when you begin writing your invitations.
At the end of the day, your wedding invitations should be a reflection of your wedding day: a celebration of love and unity. Do what feels right for you and your partner, be it putting both sets of parents on top of the invitation or creating a unique way to still include them.
All Images, Video and Designs are Copyright of RBW Stationery and Events, LLCDid you find this blog post helpful?
If so, you may find my Guest Addressing Template and 15-minute video tutorial helpful for you build your guest list, manage your RSVP process, and most other stationery items you need for your wedding.
This is a Google Sheet; it is set up with formatting and formulas so you can plan for your invitations and manage your RSVPs with ease. Plus, you’ll be able to:
Setup the First 5 sets of guests that should be on your guest list (most forgotten)
Easily determine the number of invitations you need
Preformatted columns to make your envelope-addressing process easy and post office friendly.
Understand the RSVP Card Numbering System if you need to use it
Take advantage of the Built-In Calculator to Track the Total Number of Guests and RSVPs
about the author
Ruby Brewer-Watkins, is a Certified Wedding Planner who specializes in wedding stationery. Her guest list planning and creative process have created efficiency within her client projects, which allowed her to effectively collaborate, design and create beautiful wedding invitations and “day of” stationery for countless couples since 2015. 
Hi, I’m Ruby, your creative wedding professional. FINALLY, you made it! You can catch a glimpse into a few things I love, specifically how I passionately create wedding invitations and details for the “day of” for couples. I hope that that my blog posts and articles contained within this beautiful space truly inspire you. I offer unfiltered advice and space to give yourself permission to be creative and explore options, and ideas that are available to you to celebrate life's greatest moments.
